The reality of relationships is that there is no perfect relationship. We watch the old Disney fairy tales, we read the novels (no, not the harlequins, but actual novels), and we dream of what could be. Sadly, I think a lot of people in relationships think about "what could be." But I think relationships are pretty obvious when it comes to what should be and shouldn't be. Maybe my moral compass is pretty strong, but I think we all know deep down when relationships are right. I've lied to myself before and am so thankful for the lessons learned through those moments, but I've also known a lot of people who lie to themselves in another way, as well: that their relationship isn't the beautiful piece of artwork that it truly is. Sometimes our lack of appreciation is the actual issue.
As long as I can remember, I have wanted love in my life. I have memories from when I was a really young girl, shrugging off the "lovey dovey" moments in movies but secretly wanting a partner in life to sweep me off my feet. I really believe that most people have this desire within them, but not all-- which makes us wonder if it's socially or biologically original... (that's another blog entry entirely...) But let's look at that word: partner.
If I'm "swept off my feet" am I really a partner? The fact that Cinderella was my favorite Disney princess speaks volumes of what kind of little girl I was. It was by chance that Cinderella met this prince. No, not even by chance-- by magic. I hope I'm not bursting anyone's bubble by telling you that magic IS NOT REAL.
So why on earth do we think a man (or woman) is going to do it all? Imagine me, in Cinderella garb:
Oh here I am, poor me! I'm just sitting at home sweeping and waiting for some man to come sweep me off my feet (speaking of sweeping...) But I don't have a fairy godmother BECAUSE THEY AREN'T FREAKING REAL and I'm not out meeting people because I'm here sweeping. Sweep, sweep, sweep. WEEP, WEEP, WEEP!
Reality number one: A man ain't gonna come a'knocking at your door asking to marry you because your fairy godmother pushed you out the door with a magically altered appearance and no signs of what your true personality is.
Okay, so we already knew that wasn't true, but let's dissect that a little further. Many times we sit around and wait for a relationship to happen, figuratively so. It's in the front of our minds often and we dream about it happening so much that when we actually go out into the real world, we've psyched ourselves out. I don't know about you, but when I think out a conversation or a situation over and over again, the realness of it is completely omitted and I'm awkward and foggy. Stop waiting, start being genuine.
Reality number two: You ain't gonna find a significant other pushing yourself into that shoe.
In Cinderella, the stepsisters CRACK ME UP. Their faces are cartoonish (well, duh...) and they are so forcefully looking for a relationship that they don't even consider what kind of man would fit their personality.
I'll never forget something the campus pastor at my university told me after a difficult break up. I think he had heard it secondhand as well, and I've since past it on to others: You'll find the person that fits you best while you're doing what you love. Don't fake anything because you'll find someone that likes you for that fake personality and when you get close to one another: SURPRISE!-- You ain't got love, honey; you got confusion! Instead, join a club or a social group that promotes what you're passionate about and you'll not only find other people that share your goals and passions, but you'll be looking after your own soul and going after your own purpose. And what is more beautiful than a person nurturing their innate passions and purposes? Nothing, nada.
Reality number three: It's not a carriage ride off into the sunset after you find one another.
You'll hear it time after time after time: Relationships take work. It's gotten so cliche that I hate this phrase. And the term "work" doesn't do it justice. Let's just say Relationships take learning and understanding. I like learning; I like understanding.
I remember reading Christian romance novels in high school and looking back, they did not prepare me for relationships. Now, mind you, I really am glad that I read them, because they were fun and clean and gave me a strong base from which to build more relationship knowledge. However, most of the issues in these novels are more situation-based rather than psychologically-based-- and disagree with me if you want, but relationships are psychological journeys. You gotta change from the inside, honey child. You gotta examine your childhood and the relationships that you've used as examples internally, etc. But in the Christian romance novels, you have issues like women who were orphaned, or a major fire, or the death of the man's first wife. These are issues that happen to some people, sure, but they are so situational and not necessarily scenarios that help us understand what a relationship is going to be like. Relationships are emotionally- and psychologically-driven and in order for them to work, you have to learn about one another and be patient with one another. Be honest with what you want in life, and what kinds of dynamics you want in the relationship, because learning and understanding aren't processes that just happen. A good relationship doesn't just happen. Learn about the other person. Learn about yourself. And be patient when there is confusion along the way.
But there are actually many of those Christian romance novels now that depict independent, spunky women that aren't looking for a relationship, but, rather, going after their own survival and own interests-- so kudos on that, girlfrannnn.
There are many more Relationship Realities, but these are the ones that were on my heart first. Maybe there will be another blog entry to continue this (if I get enough feedback-- shameless plug), but I am going to end right here. I don't claim to be a relationship guru by any means, but I am in a relationship that I love and that causes me to continue to learn about myself and about others and how I fit in the world. I thank God for where I am today... Cinderella ain't got nothing on me.
As long as I can remember, I have wanted love in my life. I have memories from when I was a really young girl, shrugging off the "lovey dovey" moments in movies but secretly wanting a partner in life to sweep me off my feet. I really believe that most people have this desire within them, but not all-- which makes us wonder if it's socially or biologically original... (that's another blog entry entirely...) But let's look at that word: partner.
If I'm "swept off my feet" am I really a partner? The fact that Cinderella was my favorite Disney princess speaks volumes of what kind of little girl I was. It was by chance that Cinderella met this prince. No, not even by chance-- by magic. I hope I'm not bursting anyone's bubble by telling you that magic IS NOT REAL.
So why on earth do we think a man (or woman) is going to do it all? Imagine me, in Cinderella garb:
Oh here I am, poor me! I'm just sitting at home sweeping and waiting for some man to come sweep me off my feet (speaking of sweeping...) But I don't have a fairy godmother BECAUSE THEY AREN'T FREAKING REAL and I'm not out meeting people because I'm here sweeping. Sweep, sweep, sweep. WEEP, WEEP, WEEP!
Reality number one: A man ain't gonna come a'knocking at your door asking to marry you because your fairy godmother pushed you out the door with a magically altered appearance and no signs of what your true personality is.
Okay, so we already knew that wasn't true, but let's dissect that a little further. Many times we sit around and wait for a relationship to happen, figuratively so. It's in the front of our minds often and we dream about it happening so much that when we actually go out into the real world, we've psyched ourselves out. I don't know about you, but when I think out a conversation or a situation over and over again, the realness of it is completely omitted and I'm awkward and foggy. Stop waiting, start being genuine.
Reality number two: You ain't gonna find a significant other pushing yourself into that shoe.
In Cinderella, the stepsisters CRACK ME UP. Their faces are cartoonish (well, duh...) and they are so forcefully looking for a relationship that they don't even consider what kind of man would fit their personality.
I'll never forget something the campus pastor at my university told me after a difficult break up. I think he had heard it secondhand as well, and I've since past it on to others: You'll find the person that fits you best while you're doing what you love. Don't fake anything because you'll find someone that likes you for that fake personality and when you get close to one another: SURPRISE!-- You ain't got love, honey; you got confusion! Instead, join a club or a social group that promotes what you're passionate about and you'll not only find other people that share your goals and passions, but you'll be looking after your own soul and going after your own purpose. And what is more beautiful than a person nurturing their innate passions and purposes? Nothing, nada.
Reality number three: It's not a carriage ride off into the sunset after you find one another.
You'll hear it time after time after time: Relationships take work. It's gotten so cliche that I hate this phrase. And the term "work" doesn't do it justice. Let's just say Relationships take learning and understanding. I like learning; I like understanding.
I remember reading Christian romance novels in high school and looking back, they did not prepare me for relationships. Now, mind you, I really am glad that I read them, because they were fun and clean and gave me a strong base from which to build more relationship knowledge. However, most of the issues in these novels are more situation-based rather than psychologically-based-- and disagree with me if you want, but relationships are psychological journeys. You gotta change from the inside, honey child. You gotta examine your childhood and the relationships that you've used as examples internally, etc. But in the Christian romance novels, you have issues like women who were orphaned, or a major fire, or the death of the man's first wife. These are issues that happen to some people, sure, but they are so situational and not necessarily scenarios that help us understand what a relationship is going to be like. Relationships are emotionally- and psychologically-driven and in order for them to work, you have to learn about one another and be patient with one another. Be honest with what you want in life, and what kinds of dynamics you want in the relationship, because learning and understanding aren't processes that just happen. A good relationship doesn't just happen. Learn about the other person. Learn about yourself. And be patient when there is confusion along the way.
But there are actually many of those Christian romance novels now that depict independent, spunky women that aren't looking for a relationship, but, rather, going after their own survival and own interests-- so kudos on that, girlfrannnn.
There are many more Relationship Realities, but these are the ones that were on my heart first. Maybe there will be another blog entry to continue this (if I get enough feedback-- shameless plug), but I am going to end right here. I don't claim to be a relationship guru by any means, but I am in a relationship that I love and that causes me to continue to learn about myself and about others and how I fit in the world. I thank God for where I am today... Cinderella ain't got nothing on me.
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