Was that pep talk for you? Or for me?-- Communication as a Means to Prevent Greed and Conflict.

I have to say-- it's getting colder and colder, and people seem to be getting greedier and greedier along with it. 

I don't have one specific, large instance where this has proved around me, but I just seem to be hearing more and more about money.  Sure, the economy is in a sad state.  Sure, jobs are scarce.  Sure, we have to get creative and employ different strategies in order to make money.

But this doesn't have to give our integrity the death sentence.

This is where I will make a claim that sounds pretty, but also has substance to it that I need you to take in and dissect.

Life is too short to spend chasing after a dollar that will screw you over in the long run anyways. Invest in something that will bring you purpose, excitement, challenges, and happiness.

Now, this statement can mean different things to different people.  For instance, "chasing after a dollar," "screw you over," "the long run," "investing," and pretty much the rest of that statement are all pieces of language that you can personalize to your own circumstance.  To me, "chasing after a dollar" means something much different than what "chasing after a dollar" would mean to an influential decision maker of a large corporation.  To me, "the long run" would mean something much different than it would to a teacher nearing retirement.  To me, "purpose, excitement, challenges, and happiness" all mean different things than they do to you.

This is why I love the ability that humans have to communicate in such broad and universal ways.  This brings me to another broad and universal statement that can concern each individual in a different way.

Good communication practices can help you in every single aspect of your life.  It can also lead to less greed and more fulfillment.

So how could conveying your message better lead to you being less greedy?  Well, of course, this can happen in different ways for different people, but let me offer one example.

Step One) Shannon has been searching for a job with no luck.  She finally decides to go after a job with no benefits, not enough money (by her current standards), but room to work her way up.  What Shannon realizes next is that she does not really know what her own ethics are or what she really wants in a job.  She begins a gradual downward spiral into work practices that she does not feel great about but that bring her enough money to pay off her loans. 

Step Two) Shannon has learned a hard lesson here, but through it has decided to make a change in her life.  She understands herself better and, in turn, now understands how to better communicate her wants and needs.  She makes less money in a more ethical position and cannot always make her loan payments (such is the post-grad life), but she feels better about her impact on those around her and through that lesson, has even begun to implement this strategy in her personal life with much success.    

Step Three) Shannon has been more blunt and individual in her job search because of her increased awareness of self and enhanced communication techniques.  She has earned a job that both supports her massive student loan payments and lets her feel ethical about what she does.  She notices that she thinks less greedily even though she has less money than she did to start off with and feels happier.

You may be thinking, Okay, Lauren.  That was... quaint... but that ain't happenin' for me, honey.

Hang in there.  It will happen.  And it is more likely to happen now if you continue to a) look after yourself, b) remain open and humble, and c) learn, learn, learn. 

Which leads me to a not so broad statement.

If you can't learn, love, and communicate effectively then you will inevitably cause harm to yourself and those around you.  

That's a bold claim, but I truly believe in its power and truth.  Toss your obsessions (like greed) that only get in the way of growing and developing.  Anything that promotes negativity or discomfort in the pursuit of your goals is not only not worth the ethical implications, but also the stress it does to your body, mind, spirit and environment. 

Just trust me-- you are going to be okay.  I believe that most of the conflict in this world (if not all) stems from fear.  Don't act out on your fear because it will cause pain in your life.  Look past your fear and trust that by making the right decision, and committing to learning, you are sowing an amazing future harvest.

But what about those that step in the way?  Well, you might not like my opinion on that.  See, because of my belief that anger stems from fear, I think better communication can at least attempt to help that.  While I am realistic and understand that conflict in the workplace and conflict in any other aspect of life is complicated and more gray than black and white, I also think that by communicating your reasoning for thinking or behaving in a certain way and helping the other person understand where you come from, you can, in many cases, solve the conflict.  Getting to the root of the problem is so important.  Why is the person stepping in your way?  And what factors in their life are behind that reasoning?  What don't they understand about your reasoning and involvement?  So many issues are caused by lack of understanding, education, and communication.

But, as I said, I understand that you cannot solve all conflicts in this matter because sometimes, they go so far into the gray zone that a longer process is going to have to take place, if any resolution will ever take place.  Sometimes it's better to just be the better person and back down, even if it means some sacrificing on your part.

In the end, what I'm telling you (and myself) is to simply continue to learn better communication strategies.  It will affect your ability to understand yourself and those around you, and (hopefully) will lead to less greed, more fulfillment- and less conflict and more rewards.

Be open.  Be loving.  Be calm.

My sixth "Confessions of a B. U. Grad" article!

Wouldn't be nice if life was as serene as this photo?

Published in the Bluffton News -- March 7, 2013

Negotiating your salary should be a skill taught in schools.  Recently, I faced interview questions asking what salary I would be comfortable with.  I just paused and nervously giggled for a bit (not one of my proudest moments).

After embarrassing myself, I told her that I wanted to feel supported by a salary and appreciated for the hard work that I promised her I would provide the company.  I felt pretty confident with that answer, but I’m fairly certain she wanted something more specific.  And I’m certain that a more specific answer could have helped me further as well.

So how should we answer this question?

Well the only thing we can truly do is to research, research, research.  The internet is actually a great place for credible salary information.  Once you get past the useless or uninformed websites, you can start to understand what you’re worth.  Look up information that is applicable to you.  Are you a recent graduate?  Are you someone with experience in the field already?  What are your qualifications and past salaries?  What are other new hires (or experienced hires) making in your industry and area?  What do you want in a benefits package?

 This can be grueling when you have many positions to which you are applying, but you should really start researching these particulars as soon as you start thinking about these positions.  Choose the ones that you want the most and match your personal career goals, and begin to search online, ask others you know, and do some personal reflection or soul searching.  I have found that one can never do too much questioning.  You need to dig in to the specifics and wash away all that vagueness.  Find your magic number and defend it!  As a previous English major, it almost feels to me like writing a college essay: forming a thesis and providing evidence to prove it throughout the paper.  Not to toot my own horn, but I truly think that English majors are prepared for much more than just writing and reading; their training can be applied to a large variety of different positions and life events. 

On another note, I want to share an update from another article I wrote.  This article detailed the depressing current status of job training.  I am happy to report that I took a part time job that I was not too excited about, but found that the training created an informed and excited spirit in me.  The training was thorough, personal, friendly, and helpful.  It inspired me.

Every day I am learning more, and noticing how life in a small community applies directly to a new life within a larger community.  I think we are all small community people at heart.

Confessions of a B. U. Grad: The Way I See It

Study long and hard, my dear.

Published in the Bluffton News -- February 21, 2013

So, now you’ve received a job.  It doesn’t matter if it’s part-time or full-time, nine-to-five or third shift, permanent or seasonal, your dream job or just a way to make money; no matter what kind of job it is, your work is not done.  Sure, you worked hard on that resume, sent it out to over fifty places, bared your soul on some applications and questionnaires, finally got some interviews after a month or two of waiting, and survived the background check, calls to your references, and the ultra-personal collection of either urine or saliva to test you for drugs.  So, now you’ve received a job, and now, you’re on to the beginning of a whole other predicament.

I’m speaking from experience.

This step is the most important, and unfortunately, there is not much advice for it.

Something I have noticed in most of my past jobs is the lack of training. Adaptability is so important, because with most positions, you are either going to sink or swim— and a new job starts off shallow and rapidly becomes as deep as a quarry.

Why do jobs lack training?

I have my suspicions, but I do not claim to have any expertise in this area.  The way I see it, supervisors have too much to do and too little time to assist others on a basic, personal level.  Perhaps they were thrown into the job at one time with no training or experience, so they feel that you too are supposed to have the same disorienting experience.

The phrase “supposed to” needs to be thrown out of the English language.

Lack of training or assistance when one starts a job is not only detrimental to the new hire, but it negatively impacts any customer, company, colleague, manager, supervisee, etc. involved. 

At Bluffton, I learned that supporting and assisting others whenever they needed it was incredibly important to the smoothness of not only the workplace but to a community.  The way I see it, wherever two or more people gather, a community exists. 

So, now you’ve received a job.  Most likely, now it all begins.  You have a lot to learn and not much training to do so.  If you too want to follow the model that Bluffton taught me, simply be patient, friendly, calm in hectic times, humble when you make mistakes (and there will be those times), hardworking when you know what you’re doing, and observant and aware when you do not.  The way I see it, the best strategy is to be calm and understanding with everyone above you, anyone under your supervision, and, most of all, yourself.

Confessions of a B. U. Grad: Everything Happens For a Reason

Published in the Bluffton News -- February 7, 2013

I never realized how spread out the buildings in my area were until I moved back home after Bluffton. 

If I want to work out, I have to either drive a lengthy distance to an overpriced gym or clear my floor enough to get in some crunches, lunges, squats, and some sad attempts at my own created cardio (i.e. dancing to international hip hop or rap—that way I have no idea what they are saying). 

If I want to take a walk, I should probably drive to a park to do so because cars run stop signs in my neighborhood (yielding to pedestrians is only an option when you’re not in a hurry, apparently—and everyone is in a hurry) and there are many large dogs that are not well-monitored.  Don’t believe me on the latter bit?  Ask my grandfather who walks around with a cane as a means of self-defense not because he has trouble walking.

If I want to meet up with a friend, I have to drive over to their house.  This gets expensive with gas prices-- especially when most of your friends live far away thanks to college.  For my local friends, I sometimes have to stoop to tricking them into carpooling somewhere.  This usually means going out to dinner, shopping, or seeing a movie, however—all money-losing ventures.  That’s when I just start relying on the internet for my social needs.

It’s safe to say that I feel as though I live in the internet now.  I wish I would have kept a tally, but I have probably applied to over a hundred jobs by now.  On top of that, I thirst for the learning I was doing in college so I have been learning from TED talks, blogs, vlogs (video blogs), documentaries and more.  I even write my To-Do lists online now—no more Post-It notes or planners.  I also find recipes to horrify my very traditional family and songs to try out on the piano.  Whenever I have a question, I google it.  If and when the internet goes down, I will be subjected to a confused existence.  I am indebted to my parents for the internet connection, because without it, that would be just another convenience I’d have to drive to instead of walk to after leaving Bluffton.

This brings me to a subject that I have been interested in lately- minimalist living.  It truly fascinates me that people can cut back on “stuff” and be happy living in a small boat, a shed, a 90-square-foot apartment, a bus.  I suppose I experienced something similar in my closet-sized, dorm single in Bren-Dell Hall.       

The idea is also appealing to me because it would allow me to own my own home at a young age.  I already have college loans that I will be paying off for the rest of my life—why add a mortgage?  This is the reason for many people who have subscribed to the new fad-- a tiny-home way of life.  They also get a very customizable home out of it.  One teenage boy built a tiny home on wheels by himself with plans and tutorials he found online.  One couple made a home out of a school bus and raised the roof with parts from discarded RVs and vans.  Another family made their home out of all recycled items, and yet another made a foldable home out of an old chicken coop.  For the latter home, the one-room home had walls that contained all their storage, their bed, their full sized kitchen, full shower and bath, and more available to be unfolded from the walls or tucked back away into the wall storage system.  Some have called this method the home-in-a-box.  I am just glad they were able to get the smell of farm animals out.

After obsessing over these videos for a bit, I look at my room.  I see books and mementos, clothes and shoes, a TV I have been meaning to sell, and storage that I have not looked through in years.  I have a lot of work ahead of me.

Something that I learned from living in a small dorm in Bluffton is that I really do not use as much stuff as I think.  I could write a list of the items that I actually use on one sheet of paper, and I do not think I would really miss the rest of my “stuff” if I accidentally lost it.  However, when I go to throw it away I think, “Maybe I could sell this and make some money,” or “Maybe I really will need this someday,” or even the dreaded, “I could make something out of this someday!” but it sits on my dresser collecting dust instead of transforming into something creative and useful.  I must confess: I have a difficult time parting with “things.”  I am a sentimental person and my mother always taught me to be appreciative and practical with what I am given.

However, these extraneous piles of stuff do nothing for me but add more fog to my life.  It’s a fog that gets in the way of creativity, productivity, and my ability to move on.  It’s a fog that only adds to the uncertainty of my future. 

It’s hard to describe this sensation but living with a lot of stuff makes my current transitioning period even more difficult than it already is.  I see items from my childhood and outdated furniture—familiarity that has been comforting in the past but only holds me back as I attempt to accept myself as an adult with an impending career.

This is why I have planned to rid myself of “stuff.”  It’s a scary and sizeable feat, but I believe it to be just another step in becoming an independent woman secured in her own adulthood.  I am also well on my way to becoming a substitute teacher at some local schools and a private piano teacher from home, excitingly enough, so I am starting to feel some much-needed closure. 

Leaving Bluffton was harder than leaving home.  Let me explain:  When I left home for Bluffton, it was a new, exciting experience.  Home still existed for me and still held out its arms for me when I needed it.  Now, however, I do not have a room to go back to in Bluffton.  Someone else lives in my room.  I no longer am signed up for classes.  I go to Bluffton to visit friends, but my i.d. card no longer works at The Commons, The Sommer Center, or The Musselman Library (though friends swiped for a meal for me in the cafeteria, student employees allowed me to use the fitness center, and the library still allowed me to take out some resources last time I was there).  The graciousness of Bluffton University to still accept as a part of its family is much appreciated, but when I visit, there is still something missing.  I am no longer living there.  It’s a sad realization, and only a reminder that I must go back home and begin a new kind of life. 

This new life is slowly starting to take shape, though.  The lessons that I learned at Bluffton and the culture I inherited during my four and a half years there are puzzle pieces perfectly fitting where my adult needs leave gaping holes.  Isn’t it strange how one stage of our life always leads to the next in such scary but ultimately perfect ways?  The cliché is true: Everything happens for a reason.

Confessions of a B. U. Grad: Missing Bluffton Already

So, I've decided to post samples of my column "Confessions of a B. U. Grad" that I am writing for the Bluffton News since graduating in December of 2012.  I have been sad that I cannot share these tales of transition with friends.  So, friends: please read and comment and rate these posts, because feedback means the world to me and so do you!  Please keep me in your prayers as I face a difficult time emerging into the job world.  Advice, encouragement, consoling, and humor are all appreciated.

Hey look-- it's me! :)

CONFESSIONS OF A B.U. GRAD: MISSING BLUFFTON ALREADY  

Published in the Bluffton News -- January 10, 2013

* Editor's Note: The author, Lauren Canaday, finished her studies at Bluffton University this past December after pursuing degrees in both English and Writing.  She interned with the Bluffton News throughout her final semester of school and wrote several articles for the paper during that time.

Life has its way of surprising us.  As a Bluffton University December graduate, I was anxious for the day when I was done with seemingly endless papers, ill-timed exams, and a late-night, early-morning schedule.  I looked forward to home-cooked meals, more time to rest and think, time spent with my family and dog, and, of course, being closer to more job opportunities.

I found graduating to be a bold transition, though, and not at all as I had thought it would be.  My plans were to settle in at home with my family effortlessly, and to search for a job peacefully over a cup of coffee as I felt the stress of a difficult semester vacate my body.  My personal forecasts were too confident.  I found difficulty in my return home, and I was already missing my personal freedom, my classes, and the village of Bluffton.

I feel as though I must confess my prior complaints of Bluffton’s village.  During the majority of four and a half years that I lived in Bluffton, I grumbled about the distance to a shopping center or Wal Mart, the limited hours of fast food restaurants, or the absence of a place for students to study at into the night.  To be honest, as a city girl, I was used to availability and convenience.

However, when I left the village of Bluffton and moved back to the Toledo area, I realized that Bluffton had had a larger impact on me than I had foreseen.   I found that something was missing at home.  In Bluffton, I had grown accustomed to feeling welcome; I had found an ease to be myself; I had experienced a place where I could become more independent, more purposeful, more “me.”

In Bluffton, there was less pressure to force oneself into the rat race of a steady job, and more emphasis on learning and preparing for the transition into a fitting career.  I no longer had professors with offices or homes within walking distance.  I no longer had a community around me that had observed what I was capable of and encouraged me to tread forward to larger and larger opportunities.  I had well-meaning, loving parents whose thoughts and rules sometimes clashed with mine, and who continued to try to help me by making the bulk of our conversations about the urgency of finding a job before loan bills filled our mailbox.

In reflection, I concluded that the village of Bluffton is a place that has managed to avoid much of the rush.  It is a tight-knit community that greets everyone with a smile, and promotes self-sufficiency and patience.  Its small businesses allow for more personal assistance, and when you see its employees on the streets, at a restaurant, or at Community Market, they often remember you.  It is a place where people deserve more than a hurried “excuse me” or especially an absence of any recognition of existence.

While Bluffton is not perfect, its pros certainly outweigh its cons with magnitude.  Even the ability to see people smiling with their families or walking their dogs around campus was a large positive for me.  These little moments left large holes in my life when I went home.  As for the perceived con of lack of convenience, I was surely wrong.  At home, I no longer had the ability to walk or bike to everything I needed, and I certainly never had the variety of foods and personal service that I received in the Commons of Bluffton University (cooking personalized meals for myself was only fun the first few days).  I could no longer simply walk somewhere to use a computer if mine was not charged or not working for some reason.  I no longer had free service to my computer, either, and pizza delivery had a fee, the library was a car ride away with nearer due dates, and trees, flowers, and empty spaces were fewer and more likely to be filled with the smells of industry.  There were no Blaze of Lights, no Customer Appreciation day, no free academic forums or concerts to attend, and certainly no acrobatic squirrels of various hues to inspire a giggle or two.

I took the Bluffton atmosphere for granted, I think—its aesthetics, its security, its peace and quiet.  As soon as I left, I realized the supposed negative aspects of Bluffton were truly positives that I had grown accustomed to and actually yearned for in my life.  I wanted to continue going to classes, living in a small area, and being close (sometimes just feet away) to friends that challenged me and filled my life with new knowledge and viewpoints.

I came to Bluffton because it was the closest Christian university.  While it was not at all what I expected, it was what I needed.  I formulated my own beliefs, not just those of my parents, and I learned what it meant to be my adult self, the creation I believe I was meant to be.  I stumbled upon new dreams, goals, and ideas.  I fostered a new skill set and name for myself.  I learned a new way of life.

I will continue to visit friends in Bluffton as long as I have them there.  I truly miss and appreciate all the university and village did for me, even when it was just a simple smile or a genuine presentation of the question “How are you?”  While I know these elements exist everywhere, because hope exists everywhere, some places have a larger, more concentrated volume than others.  This is true of Bluffton University and the village in which it resides.  I ask of you to remember, joyfully observe, and continue this tradition on for generations to come.  Bluffton University is full of many individuals like me, who experience a new atmosphere, grow to love it, and live in a reality of constant transition.