YAY! I complete my bachelor's degree in one week! Sound the trumpets!

Me a month ago:

I'm graduating soon.

Psh!  SO WHAT?!
Thank the heavens above it's finally here.

Feels like I should have graduated FIFTY years ago!

Now I'm going to finally be treated like an adult!


Me today:

Welp, I graduate in a week.

Hmmmm, ok. 

That's cool that I won't be stressed over homework and stuff.

I won't have to deal with annoying people.

But I'm really going to miss my friends and my boyfriend.

Yeah, now I have to go get a job.  I have to start paying loan bills.  I have to move back in with my parents.  I have to live far away from friends I used to live in the same building with, and I can't walk to everywhere anymore.

Hmmmm, ok.

I actually really like learning.  I'm going to miss classes and homework and papers.  I'll miss projects and studying and group work.  I'm going to miss intellectual discussion and helpful professors around all the time.

Why did I complain about all this so much?

At least I won't have to live in a crowded, lonely, small, cold, messy room.  Oh wait... that's what my room at home is like.

At least my supportive family and snuggly dog will be there!  But even they get on my nerves sometimes.

At least I can have better food!  But it won't be readily available to me, with lots of variety, cooked, and served to me with a smile at any moment I'd like.

Why must everything have pros and cons?  Or maybe, it should just be my perspectives that shift.  Instead, every time I face change (or dwell in boring familiarity), I always seem to find the cons, and fixate on them.

Maybe, I should just look on the bright side and accept change with the inner strength of a WARRIOR WOMAN ready to prowl for success in any situation she is handed!

But, instead, I always seem to avoid the scariness of life with jokes, food, or even naps.  I like napping.  I like eating.  I like laughing.

IDEAS FOR WHAT TO DO WHEN I GET HOME FROM COLLEGE AND HAVE TO BE AN ADULT:

1)  Create food masterpieces without making the kitchen too much of a mess so I don't have to clean much!  A challenge fit for a high-stakes reality TV show!

2)  Take a bath.  NO.  Take a bubble bath.  I'm also going to play in the water with toys like I did when I was little, giving the toys different voices and epic stories like the Barbie who needed her Ken doll to go to the moon to get a chemical that could cure her ridiculously rare and obscure disease.  (I'm not joking... I remember creating this when I was in elementary.)

3)  Write a song.  Yeah, I've done this sooooo many times, but THIS one will really be good!  And, I won't lose the paper I write it on.  Genius.

4)  Get up to the sun shining.  Do my eyebrows.  Take a long, luxurious shower.  Shave.  Do a face mask.  Lotion entire body.  Practice make up tricks learned on youtube.  Secretly spray oneself with mother's perfume.  Do toenails and fingernails fancily.  Pick out a new outfit combination.  Try to walk in heels.  Do hair laboriously with FIFTY different hair products to protect it until nearly happy with it (I'll never be completely happy with my hair).  Dance around in front of mirror.  Practice British accent.  Reapply makeup as it has probably faded already by now.  Then take it all off, take another shower, and go to sleep because I'm wore out by now.

5)  Write a novel.  About something that makes absolutely no sense.  But I trick everyone into thinking it makes sense.  And THEN, when they try to make a movie of it, everyone realizes just how incredibly ridiculous it is and also, how persuasive words are and how much cooler books are than movies.  MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.

6)  Solve a mystery.  I've always wanted to do this.  Next stop, mysterious woods behind house!  [Looks at creepy woods where I saw blanket and tent at before and heard noises.]  Meh, maybe I'll just watch Sherlock again...

7)  Make some money by creating something!  I've always wanted to make my own livelihood by using my own creativity.  I need to invent something!  Or make some sort of artwork!  Hmmm... I'll take a photography class!  But then, I'd have to go back to school......

8)  Set a world record.  Maybe I could make a name for myself this way!  What about woman with most loan interest?  Or woman who cries herself to sleep the most?  Or, no I've got it!  Woman with most time spent on internet!  [Pathetic violin music.]

9)  Go live in a cabin alone in the woods.  This is a recurring theme in literature, so it has to be good!

10)  Do other people's homework for them.  I think this sounds kind of fun.  Kind of immoral, but still kind of fun.  As long as there's money involved.

[By the way, if you could not tell yet, all of these ideas are completely sarcastic.  I know that I will get a job eventually and this next step in my life will go more smoothly than I imagine.  I trust in God and I trust in the hard work I have done myself these past four and a half years.  It's just funny to write in our own moments of fear.  I've found it to be absolutely true that humor is just relating to other people in exagerrated ways.]

Here.  Have a puppy picture.

 

Awwwwwwwwwwwww.  MUST.  CUDDLE.  PUPPY.  >:)

 

What the World Needs Now

What the world really needs is more selflessness.

More people who find it difficult to stand up for themselves, even.

Because then, there would be no NEED for justification, defensiveness, or putting your guard up to make sure you're not hurt or walked on.

There would be no need for lawyers, and therefore there would be less of the crooked lawyers out there.

There would be less need for counseling.

There would be less need out there in general.


What the world needs is a shift from the "what can the world do for me" to the "what can I do for the world."

This attitude of perceived need is often justified, but sometimes, we have to just pick up our brokennes, realize it could be worse, and do what we have to to make things better.  Even if it was not our fault. 

But ESPECIALLY if it was our fault.


Self pity is a disease.

It sinks in under clever disguises.

It can hide under jargon.

Sometimes it feels like depression.

Self pity is chronic alright, but we can treat it ourselves.

Its loyalty and usefulness can seem so real and tangible, but truly, it is a pest.  A downfall of humanity.  A disease that you pass on to your children and your children's children.


What the world needs is more keep on keeping on.  We let consequences hold us back, when sometimes consequences are there in order to teach us.  A lot of times they teach us that avoidance feels safe but is our enemy.  A lot of times they teach us (even if they are not our fault) to push forward and learn from it, becoming stronger, wiser, more resilient, and emotionally stable than before.

Oftentimes, the world is enabled in its avoidance.  This can be as emotionally detrimental as drug use.  Enablers are selfless, loyal loved ones- the way the world should be.


But then there would be a perfect world...

And who wants that?

____________________________________


Thank goodness I am in this world but not of it.

True Life: I'm a Vampire

Welcome to my blog!  I do have to admit that it will be quite difficult for me to not have structure, and even when I try to not have structure, it will look like a form of structure (though there will be some mistakes, believe me).  So just bear with me... I was trying to be quirky.  ;)

So... this is the last day before I go back to Bluffton!  I cannot believe it!  Each summer seems to go by even more quickly than the last.  This aging process and the fact that time is unable to be escaped is kind of scary!  I continue to remind myself to stop thinking about the future because when it comes, it's the present!  And I've been waiting for this present for a while. 

I'm 21, and I'm a senior in college.  I thought a lot of things would be different than what they are today, but I need to remember that God's plan is SO much better than my own.  I need to relish each day!  I need to be the person I want to be NOW! 

No magical event is going to make me the person I want to be in the future; I have to work towards becoming that person over time! :)  I listened to a sermon online last night that a friend sent me, and a quote that stood out to me was this: "The present will become the past and be present in your future!"  That's kind of confusing at first, but if we focus on it we realize that it is so true.  We need to work on our relationships, getting our consistent sin life cleared up, our goals and priorities, the way we act, our heart, our mind, our relationship with Christ all in order NOW!  Because the future is coming soon, and if we are not prepared internally to handle it, then we won't accomplish all those goals God put on our hearts.  I know I'm going to work harder from now on because someday I'm going to be doing great things for Christ (and I can be doing great things today!)

Having said that, today I feel lazy.  Tired and lazy.  I've already packed quite a bit, but though I'm all pumped up about working on the internal, I'm not very pumped up about working on this room of mine.  It does get easier now that I've packed a bajillion times to go to and from Bluffton, but I feel like taking a nap rather than making sure everything is in order.  My dad told me not to take a nap because then tonight I won't be able to sleep.  I don't sleep at night very often anyways.

And for that, my father is actually to blame.

Let me explain.

You see, my dad turned me into a vampire.

The other day I watched a movie called Dracula's Daughter with my dad.  It actually wasn't too bad.  She didn't really enjoy being a vampire, but in the end, her obsession over an intelligent man made her go off the deep end a little.  She wanted him to help her, but instead of just asking for help, she took his love interest hostage and tried to capture him and wisk him away when he came to save her.  She had a Phantom of the Opera quality to her... plus fake eyelashes and eyebrows too high for her face (why did they want them to look surprised all the time in those days?).

Growing up, I watched a lot of old movies with my parents.  It was so special to me... especially because it made me set apart from my age group.  No one else knew who Gregory Peck, Jimmy Stewart, or Clark Gable was... they were too busy obsessing over Justin Timberlake and the likes (No Justin, it's not "Gonna Be [You]").  Old movies were like a secret world to me, where I could learn about love, comedy, science ficton, classic literature, and even God!

I usually watched old '50s science fiction and horror with my dad.  The Wolfman, The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Incredible Shrinking Man, Frankenstein, Godzilla, The Twilight Zone (I was the only fifth grader who knew what the real meaning of "To Serve Man"), etc. etc.  So I kinda of blame my dad for my obsession with vampires and such.  Sometimes, we would be watching a movie and then right when it was getting to the climax, I'd hear those fateful, heart-dropping three words: "brush.  your.  teeth."

Why on earth would I go to bed now?  What's going to happen?  I need to study this, Dad-- I'm going to be a famous writer/actress/director/leader of the free world someday!

So, I became a little bit of a rebel.  I had smarts, why not use them?  I would whine and plead and negotiate and present my case. 

Let's just say that that didn't work.

So I started staying up in my room.  My brother wasn't always the most excited about it (we shared a room then), but I was usually pretty good at talking him into it.  I was watching the end of movies, music videos (I liked country then...), TV shows, and even the news!... all with the volume down.  Every so often, I'd sneak to turn the volume up a little, and my mom would sneak into our room to tell us to turn it down a little (my parents are opposites in many respects haha).

As I grew older, this obsession with staying up didn't dwindle.  I just couldn't fall asleep at night.  I had so many things to think about and pray about and plan!  My life was ahead of me, why go to sleep when there was much to do?!  My best writing was done after midnight.  My best Bible reading happened when it was almost time for the sun to come up.  I realized more about myself when I stayed up and reflected on the day.

Well, during the summers, I was staying up until the wee hours of the morning, and this made my sleeping schedule a little different than the norm.  I wouldn't wake up until 2pm sometimes, and I was embarassed of this fact.  I felt like I had wasted a lot of my day, but I couldn't sleep at night anymore.

And then... I started craving blood.

LOL just kidding, just kidding, just kidding.

But anyways, my dad started calling me "Vampira" after that.  I wasn't too keen on that.  My dad is addicted to his own sleep schedule.  Early to bed, early to rise.  I was and am the exact opposite.

But, as you undoubtedly can now see, by exposing me to awesome movies that would go past our bedtime, he made me that way!
I rest my case.