Thoughts from the bathtub: What important skill are we forgetting to train ourselves in?

I know I'm not the only one who does some deep brainstorming about the purposes of life while bathing.

Who's with me?

In fact, I've been practicing this from a young age: telling myself mid-shower that those girls in gym class are simply moody and might just be my friends next week; thinking about the fact that everything I've been told needs to be weighed and balanced within my own mind before accepting it as fact (wish I would've listened to my own advice at all times instead of faltering now and then with this one!)

So what was my method this time?

Bubble bath with peppermint oil and a pint of Graeter's ice cream in hand.

#igohard

My thoughts were going hard too with all the controversy I've been reading about/hearing about/watching regarding world news, presidential campaigns, halftime shows...

And sometimes my mind does this strange, "zooming out" thing-- where I feel a bit overwhelmed trying to sort information from both sides of the arguments, and trying to solidify some type of stance while soaking in our old-fashioned bathtub, or feeling the streams of the shower warm my mind.

And I start to think that maybe there are skills that humankind is not putting enough attention into-- or into which they are not putting enough importance.

One such skill is the ability to see issues or life experiences through the perspectives of others.  This skill is critical to social change, personal wellness, success in groups...

A poorly honed perspective skill leads to faltering friendships, destroyed marriages and romantic relationships, split churches, empty churches, political confusion, war, corruption, greed, racism, sexism, hate... my list could go on.

I know this skill takes a lifetime to perfect, but there are individuals around us that will live and die without ever giving this skill a single thought.  They will exist within the ideals they don't even consciously live by, and make their decisions and judgments without thinking about why they came to them.  They won't ever think about why their coworker or peer has a perspective or stance, or even why they have a particular perspective or stance.  They do not even register this skill as one to further for themself or for their goals.

Taking a second to breathe, humble oneself, and try one's best to try to understand another person's reasoning can make an incredible difference in our own lives-- as well as within our societies as a whole.  When we make a stand that this skill is important, others listen, and with more and more people working to hone their perspective skill, the more peace and justice we live amidst.

It sounds oversimplifying and idealist, but it's a start towards progress, equality, or just being able to help one more person feel heard and undivided.  Open-mindedness is not ignorant, a waste of time, or risky-- it is freeing for the host and the other party; it is an educated decision and is educating for all those who practice it; it leads to progress in society and social services, in religion and spirituality, in careers and in schools, and even in the study of medicine, mental health, and wellness programs.

Think with me here:

When a person is hired in a senior living facility, does it help to see an elderly woman as someone babbling on about the past-- lacking any reason for their perspective?  Or is it more enjoyable for both the resident and the employee for the woman to be seen as a beautiful individual full of stories, memories, and wisdom and lessons learned?; or as a being with a perspective that can help the employee understand her resident more-- no matter if it is right or wrong?

What about when a new person arrives at a church.  Does it help to incessantly urge them to another opinion for which you feel you have solid evidence, or to calmly hear out their own, acknowledging that they have reasons behind their thinking, and may even have a better social understanding than your years around the like-minded have given you?

Or how about politicians: does it help to hire someone within our government that gives long-winded, opinion-filled speeches without time for listening to those he or she may govern?  Where is their perspective skill and how do they expect to serve their people well without it?

Or what about our own friends: taking to social media and small groups their misinformed and perspective lacking dogma, jargon, spoon-fed phrases...  Having the audacity to speak about perspectives they have never studied or listened to-- perspectives of races they've never been, genders they've never lived as, peoples to which they've never spoken...

And that, my friends, is why I've learned to just take the ice cream in the bathtub with me.
  

Your Education Ain't Complete... T-t-t-teachers CANNOT Show You... They Gotta Meet a Standard!

Read the below article-- it has some great stuff in it.  Then, if you choose, read my following rant.

A Teacher's Opinion in The Hartford Courant

For me, this could be known as, "Why I did not finish out my English Education major in college and instead chose to pursue writing." I'm still working in a school and thinking seriously of pursuing an Intervention Specialist license, but this government control in our school's is getting ridiculous and I've about had it. You cannot judge educational success with numbers or standards. Instead, you should do a survey of students post-graduation to see if they are happy with the way their education affected their life. They are putting a definition on what "skills" and "success" are, but those are different to everyone... To think that some of the amazing, life changing lessons that I enduring in my education will now need to be eliminated because they don't support the government-mandated "standards" makes me sick. This is why the disparity in academic achievement of differing socioeconomic statuses, differing mental and emotion stabilities, and differing learning abilities and intelligences continues to grow. It makes you seriously wonder whether the government wants logical-thinking, economical, follower types to be the most successful in education and therefore more likely to be employed. Phew... sorry that was definitely a rant.

Confessions of a B. U. Grad: The Way I See It

Study long and hard, my dear.

Published in the Bluffton News -- February 21, 2013

So, now you’ve received a job.  It doesn’t matter if it’s part-time or full-time, nine-to-five or third shift, permanent or seasonal, your dream job or just a way to make money; no matter what kind of job it is, your work is not done.  Sure, you worked hard on that resume, sent it out to over fifty places, bared your soul on some applications and questionnaires, finally got some interviews after a month or two of waiting, and survived the background check, calls to your references, and the ultra-personal collection of either urine or saliva to test you for drugs.  So, now you’ve received a job, and now, you’re on to the beginning of a whole other predicament.

I’m speaking from experience.

This step is the most important, and unfortunately, there is not much advice for it.

Something I have noticed in most of my past jobs is the lack of training. Adaptability is so important, because with most positions, you are either going to sink or swim— and a new job starts off shallow and rapidly becomes as deep as a quarry.

Why do jobs lack training?

I have my suspicions, but I do not claim to have any expertise in this area.  The way I see it, supervisors have too much to do and too little time to assist others on a basic, personal level.  Perhaps they were thrown into the job at one time with no training or experience, so they feel that you too are supposed to have the same disorienting experience.

The phrase “supposed to” needs to be thrown out of the English language.

Lack of training or assistance when one starts a job is not only detrimental to the new hire, but it negatively impacts any customer, company, colleague, manager, supervisee, etc. involved. 

At Bluffton, I learned that supporting and assisting others whenever they needed it was incredibly important to the smoothness of not only the workplace but to a community.  The way I see it, wherever two or more people gather, a community exists. 

So, now you’ve received a job.  Most likely, now it all begins.  You have a lot to learn and not much training to do so.  If you too want to follow the model that Bluffton taught me, simply be patient, friendly, calm in hectic times, humble when you make mistakes (and there will be those times), hardworking when you know what you’re doing, and observant and aware when you do not.  The way I see it, the best strategy is to be calm and understanding with everyone above you, anyone under your supervision, and, most of all, yourself.

What the World Needs Now

What the world really needs is more selflessness.

More people who find it difficult to stand up for themselves, even.

Because then, there would be no NEED for justification, defensiveness, or putting your guard up to make sure you're not hurt or walked on.

There would be no need for lawyers, and therefore there would be less of the crooked lawyers out there.

There would be less need for counseling.

There would be less need out there in general.


What the world needs is a shift from the "what can the world do for me" to the "what can I do for the world."

This attitude of perceived need is often justified, but sometimes, we have to just pick up our brokennes, realize it could be worse, and do what we have to to make things better.  Even if it was not our fault. 

But ESPECIALLY if it was our fault.


Self pity is a disease.

It sinks in under clever disguises.

It can hide under jargon.

Sometimes it feels like depression.

Self pity is chronic alright, but we can treat it ourselves.

Its loyalty and usefulness can seem so real and tangible, but truly, it is a pest.  A downfall of humanity.  A disease that you pass on to your children and your children's children.


What the world needs is more keep on keeping on.  We let consequences hold us back, when sometimes consequences are there in order to teach us.  A lot of times they teach us that avoidance feels safe but is our enemy.  A lot of times they teach us (even if they are not our fault) to push forward and learn from it, becoming stronger, wiser, more resilient, and emotionally stable than before.

Oftentimes, the world is enabled in its avoidance.  This can be as emotionally detrimental as drug use.  Enablers are selfless, loyal loved ones- the way the world should be.


But then there would be a perfect world...

And who wants that?

____________________________________


Thank goodness I am in this world but not of it.

Quotes from my facebook (Don't worry, I will be writing more once I am done with this semester!)

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." --Abraham Lincoln

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" --Psalms 27:1

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." --C. S. Lewis

"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars." --Garrison Keillor

"We live by faith, not by sight." --2 Corinthians 5:7

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book." --Groucho Marx

"Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him." --Proverbs 26:12

"What is popular is not always right, and what is right is not always popular." -- Unknown

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” --Dr. Seuss

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." --Edgar Allan Poe

"I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born." --Ronald Reagan

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one." --C. S. Lewis

"I believe in Christianity like I believe the sun has risen: not just because I see it, but because by it, I see everything else." --C. S. Lewis

"I have never thought of writing for reputation and honor. What I have in my heart must come out; that is the reason why I compose." --Ludwig van Beethoven

"Peace begins with a smile." --Mother Teresa

"Many Christians are striving in the flesh to do the works of the Spirit, and they are frustrated and tired. Wouldn't you rather rest in the Resurrection than try to overhaul the old nature that was-- and should continually be-- crucified with Jesus? New life is an eternal blessing, but it has no short-term benefit if we refuse to live in it. How do you get there? Not by straining for it, not by reading about it, and not by frantically immersing yourself in church life. No, just by asking. Ask often, trust deeply, let yourself be convinced by the promise, think about it often, and most of all give Jesus free reign of you heart. The power of His resurrection is available when the power of your self is exhausted. Live in His power. Or better yet, let His power live in you." -- Chris Tiegreen

“It doesn’t matter what course you take. Simply hang around until you catch the Spirit, or the Spirit catches you.” -- Robert Frost

"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave." --Gandhi

"I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. They are so unlike your Christ." --Gandhi

"And I think that's what our world is desperately in need of - lovers, people who are building deep, genuine relationships with fellow strugglers along the way, and who actually know the faces of the people behind the issues they are concerned about." --Shane Claiborne

“Most good things have already been said far too many times and just need to be lived.” --Shane Claiborne

"And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” --Sylvia Plath

“Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences.” --Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

"We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now." --Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Just always be yourself, work hard, and you will be respected for who you really are." -- my daddy :)

"Love, laughter, and prayers." --my mommy :)